Monday, January 17, 2011

Asking for help and home schooling

I want to apologize in advanced for lack of writing skills. I am extremely tired lately and decent writing is a challenge. I was going to write a detailed update, but things just keep adding on so I’ll just sum it up instead.

After my little breakdown over Christmas I spent a few weeks in bed before I finally got the guts to see my doctor. Just getting the appointment was a challenge, and when I finally got there ready to open up and ask for help there was a med student in there with my GP. He was there to observe or whatever.
  • I did open up to my doctor, told him I never heard back from the outpatient clinic after a year on the waiting list.
  • After over a year without treatment my condition had worsen, and he know thinks I also have anxiety disorder.
  • After the talk he decided to get me an emergency appointment and evaluation for the following day, he called me later and informed it wasn’t happening after all. I am now back on the waiting list.
  • Since I’ve waited over a year for help I most likely might have gotten lost in someone’s paperwork so I was re added to the waiting list. It will take a few weeks since I am now back at the bottom of the list.
  • As far as school goes, I’ll be continuing all my classes on my own. Worked out a deal with them and because of my situation I’ll be doing all my work at home until I show up for finals in May. 

As for everything else, I’m going to try and take it all day by day. As for depressive/suicidal thoughts, I will just have to try my best to ignore them until someone decides that I need or deserve help. Until then, I’ll be here waiting, like I have been for the past year and a half.


  1. I'm sorry that you're having a really tough time - I know how debilitating depression/anxiety can be - even just getting out of bed feels impossible. What's really upsetting to me about your last few posts (updates) is that everyone you've confided in/spoken to seems to put your problems on the back burner/ or isn't getting you the immediate help you need - this is really disappointing, and I'm sorry that you are stuck in a crappy environment where they aren't offering you any help. I don't know where you are located otherwise I could look up avenues of help for you. Is there a counselling system at your school, for example, which deals with emergency walk-ins or can at least get you an appointment within the next two weeks? How about a psychologist near by, who is taking patients? As for your anxiety regarding school, just take it day by day, I know it's easier said than done, but don't let emotions regarding potential failure overwhelm you, don't even think about it and dispel any thoughts that do pop up. Focus on everything moment by moment, and try not to focus on the potential outcomes. If it gets to be too much, take a break, go out for a walk, write in a notebook, read a really happy, flowery book (don't go for something heavy or deep), watch funny youtube videos or anything else that helps you de-stress.

    Just know that you are a wonderful, worthy, and intelligent person, you have a lot to offer the world and you will find your way to happiness again. And that you are very very important to me, even though we don't know each other very well. If you ever have any suicidal thoughts, or just need someone to talk to, I'm all ears - I know I don't have the capacity to solve all your problems, but I am a good listener, and so you can always vent to me or do/say anything else you need. My e-mail: lyrical.philosophia (at) gmail (dot) com

    Be well, Amalie.

  2. Amazed by your perseverance, strength and honesty. You are able to carry on when possible and that is truly commendable. It is most agreeable that the system you have been registered into is a sham, it is borderline disturbing that you should be lost by paperwork and forgotten by face. But, you are a real person, your doctor knows part of you, things will happen. In down time you can't remember anything, and sleep is your only salvation. I understand that too.
    Take it all "as it comes", that is your brilliant plan. You can do this. You can.

    In times of need, the people that read this blog will have feelings where you find you can't. Readers feel your words. The loneliest place is usually the busiest.

    Let us hope for consistency in mood X