Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Can I catch a breath?

I've barely slept or eaten in the past 2 weeks, I either have no apetite or just feel way to sick or anxious. I've been having some bad somach pains (but getting close to 3 months late, sorry for the tmi). All my muscles hurt and I just feel weak. My knees swell up when i walk and the pain spreads to my leggs. My head feels heavy which is hurting my neck.

Last night I woke up from a sharp pain on the side of my forehead area and the whole sleepless nights thing has just worn me out. Been having slight chest pains, but that got worse today. It feels like a tightness in my chest, like it's closing up. And earlier today I almost passed out, and basically just fell over.

Because of the lack of sleep and apetite, I've basically been running on caffeine and toast so I do get twitches and spazes, but it's not to bad. My therapist couldn't deffinetly notice that i was tired and urged me to try and work this out with my parents, becaue the bad news I recieved last week and just the whole situation has just put me in a bad place. And so it only get worse until i break. I actually had to convince her that I wasn't going to harm myself or do anything. And it's not like I don't have these feelings but I've only been seing her for a few months, so having someone voice that concern outload scares the hell out of me and it's awkward and weird.

I jump at everything and theres deffinetly some paranoia. And I really just want to get out of this whole situation. My parents don't really take my anxiety seriously so I just don't really know what I can do. But right now, the whole situation basically sucks. I want to breath normally, I don't want my throat hurting. I don't wanna feel ill or weak, or tired, and whatever else is going on.

Sorry to make this so long

4 comments:

  1. Your apology is not something that needs to be voiced, darling. What's the difference between one line to the next?

    If you ever want to talk in more detail you can.

    You are surviving, that is the most impressive of all. Who has the right to ask of you more?

    Stay you X

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  2. I'm sorry, it seems like you're going through a very tough time. I hope this person you're seeing can help. And I'm really sorry that your parents aren't understanding of your anxiety, it is a very serious issue, and can affect your life detrimentally. This may be lame advice, but if people around you aren't being supportive, read some good books on the subject matter, which you think might be able to help you with coping strategies, and in the meanwhile try to find people who are capable of being the support system you need right now. Btw, drop me a line anytime, if I can help in any way. Hope you are well.

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  3. darling, it was a wonderful surprise to hear from you. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. I hope things are okay (as is possible - I know you'll know what that means). Take care, you know I'm around if ever you need someone xxx

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  4. I miss you, I hope this finds you smiling as beautifully as ever. xxxx

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