Tuesday, May 3, 2011

A little and allot...

It’s been a while since I made a post here. I don’t even know if anyone still bothers to come here, but oh well. Maybe an update is due?

There’s been a lot and nothing going on in my life right now. I have been trying to work on myself for the past few months with the help of a therapist, which hasn’t exactly been easy since I’ve had to cancel to many times and this being public health care and all, it can take a while to get a reschedule. Apparently I have a severe depression and social anxiety, and as of recently, a few OCD tendencies. 

To be honest, it’s been quite awful, as I am not used to the whole talking to someone about my problems, but it will come eventually (at least I hope). I don’t think I ever realized it was going to be this hard to actually get better. If you’re not a hundred present committed, then don’t even bother. Which is kind of the problem with depression, your just not committed enough to actually want to get better. I can’t say how everyone else feels about this, but at least that is how I am. One side I don’t want to feel this way or do the things that I do, but then I got turn around and do something stupid or self destructive. It only ends up biting me in the ass later, hurting me and the people that I love.

Anyway, this is why I don’t post updates anymore. Because once I do write something, I go on rambling into a long post which I know nobody wants to read, so I will try to work on that. I will try to do get some real writing done some time soon. Once I can get my brain to focus for more than five minutes. Until then, I am going to read up on my blogger subscriptions.

1 comment:

  1. Hello,

    Whether it be the longest story you've ever dreamt or just a word; emotive, destructive, small. I will always want to read to what you write. I feel so humbled to have your blog on my list. It is the one I check whenever I do come online, just to see if there is something I missed. That I should have paid attention to.

    All of what you write is real. That's why we're following you on here. Your words are speaking to us.

    I would want you to know that I am so proud to hear of your progress. It has been over two years since I let therapy sessions into my life. There is probably a noticable difference to those around me. But to me, I never found them helpful, most likely because of the people that I was assigned to. It fuelled my self-destructive nature. Never once healed it. When you feel as though there is a time span on your recovery, to me, that really affects you. Motivation seems lack luster. And any small, initial, desire you had to retrace your steps and put your life back on track seems to disappear like dust in the sunlight. You are working. You are aware that maybe it is not completely what you want, but the fact that you can acknowledge what you 'need' is definitely a step forward. "A milestone".

    The name of the condition only lessens the fear they have of not knowing how to teach you. Only you get to decide when you're really playing along and winning. It's your game.

    You love those in your life and that is wonderful.

    Keep as best as circumstances allow, awaiting eagerly as always.

    You are so special X